


in the moment i knew you best

by silverspoonedbeanies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 2x23, F/M, First Kiss, Season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverspoonedbeanies/pseuds/silverspoonedbeanies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity is looking through Slade's intel a few weeks after the events of "Unthinkable", when she comes across a file that makes her heart stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the file

It had been a few weeks. A few weeks since Oliver said the three words she never wished he had said. A few weeks since Felicity made the stupidest mistake possibly ever in her life. Since Slade held a sword to her throat. Since she doubted Oliver choosing her over Laurel. Weeks after her life seemed to look entirely different.

She sat in her apartment, new apartment since Oliver told her that it would be best to move out in case someone had information about where she lived from Slade. After Slade was put on Lian Yu, and they had gotten back from dropping him off, they had to comb through and salvage anything from the foundry; not to mention whatever intel Slade had compiled that Amanda retrieved from his headquarters. Felicity made sure she got all of Slade’s stuff without Oliver glancing at it. She couldn’t stomach the mood Oliver would get in. Maybe he would leave like he had the year before. He wouldn’t go to Lian Yu, she wouldn’t know where to start looking after that.

After a few days of the files sitting on her tablet she decided that she had to go through them. To make sure there wasn’t a backup plan in play, since Slade seemed to think of every situation humanly possible. And after looking through these files, he had a plan for every possible circumstance for the months before he showed his face. Sometimes she would read something that looked planned years in advance. That gave her the chills.

She pulled up a bright, plush blanket over her legs and took a minute to look out the window across from the bottom of her bed. The blinds were up, curtains open, window cracked a little bit so she could hear the roar that came along with the beautiful lights of the city. This was a part of this apartment she loved, being able to watch the city that she has helped save countless times. It reminded her of when Oliver showed her the apartment, she had stopped right in front of the window and he came up to stand right next to her. Their shoulders barely brushing; she felt him relax standing there, which helped Felicity relax as well. After a few too many moments passed without a word, he mumbled “You know this is because of you too.”

“What…” Felicity started.

“The city wouldn’t be this way without you. It’s not just me who is this city’s hero. You are too.”

She stood there watching the people pass on the streets as he walked away from her, she waited until she heard the front door close before she breathed.

 

***

 

After hours of going through painful documents that made her relive the past months over and over she found a folder that made her heart stop. ‘Could it be in here?’ she didn’t even know if she could watch it. She raised one her hands over her heart due to its incessant beating, could it like chill for a moment, she could not get excited over this. She scrolled through and through until she saw the file.

Should she press on it?

She spent weeks trying to forget, and now if she was going to just nonchalantly watch it, how was she going to deal with trying to forget that?

Her finger was ready to press delete. But she felt her heart break at the possibility that this may be the last time. She presses on the file and it begins to play.

 

***

 

_After they went over the plan to attack Slade’s army in the tunnel with Sara, Nyssa, and Detective Lance at QC, he told her she needed to come with him. He hadn’t told her where, but she trusted that he would tell her when it was the time._

_He spent time to find a car, not take his motorcycle, that’s when she knew something was up. Felicity had told Oliver time and time again that she would never get on it, she joked even if the city was burning down. He laughed at the time. Now he was quiet as they weaved through the streets of fire towards, what seemed to be (much to her confusion), the Queen mansion._

_They got out of the car and he grabbed her hand leading Felicity to the front door. He let go of her hand to open the door, she felt her heart drop as he did; but her body warmed to the presence of his hand at the small of her back as she walked through the front door._

_“Oliver.” She looked around trying to figure out why in the world he brought her here right now, “what are we doing here? The whole city is falling apart.”_

_He simply breathed, “I know. You need to stay here.” His leg bounced in agitation and he avoided Felicity’s eye line as she whipped her ponytail towards him._

_“What? Why? You can’t just ask me to…”_

_“I’m not asking.”_

_How could he just expect her to stay here at the mansion? He knew she didn’t like it here, plus how was she supposed to just listen to comms as they fight Slade’s men. If something were to happen to any of them, she couldn’t handle not being close enough to help. Something about this night made her want to fight along with them, she didn’t want to be useless. She wanted to be there for Oliver._

_“I will come and get you when this is over.”_

_“No!”_

_“Felicity..” She couldn’t understand what he was trying to do, he seemed nervous? Why would he be nervous to get me out of the way?_

_“Not unless you tell me why.”_

_He looked straight at her, she saw in his eyes he was coming up with a story. Like the stories he used to tell Felicity before she knew about the Arrow. She prepared herself to stand up and fight him on it. Felicity was not going to let him leave her. “Because I need you to be safe.” That was different. That wasn’t some bullshit lie, she saw the simplicity in his eyes. He really needed her to be safe. Was it because he couldn’t lose her, like she couldn’t him?_

_“Well I don’t want to be safe.” She would rather not be in Slade’s wake but if it meant being within touching distance of Oliver, she would be in a crossfire everyday of her life. “I want to be with you, and the others, unsafe.” Be brave for him. Felicity reaches to find his hand, or his arm, anything to get him to realize._

_She found his arm but he didn’t find the usual peace in her touch. He tensed, bounced his leg, looked away from her. “I can’t let that happen.” There was the look again, the look she saw when he said his coffee shop was in a bad neighborhood._

_“Oliver,” she finds his hand and squeezes it bringing his eyes to rest on her face, “you’re not making any sense…”_

_He cuts her off, quick to get to his point now, “Slade took Laurel because he wants to kill the woman I love…”_

_Here we go, always has to be about Laurel. No matter the terrible things they have done to each other they always fall back into the toxic relationship. She tries to hold her feelings back for the sake of staying focused on Oliver, ‘be strong for Oliver’ seemed to be her mantra tonight. “I know so…” she shook her head as she tried to rid the thoughts of what he might possibly say next._

_“So he took the wrong woman.”_

_What? If he didn’t love Laurel, did he mean Sara? Wait that is not the look of ‘Hey I’m going to say straight to your face that I love someone else not you.’ Does that mean…no he couldn’t. But the way he looked down at Felicity gave her shivers all down her spine, she knew what he meant._

_“Oh.”_

_Oliver made the decision. She saw it in his eyes. He gave up on whatever plan he had in his head. She saw all the pain and terror in his eyes disappear. He just shook his head as he struggled to hide the smile that taunted his lips._

_“I love you.”_

_And there it appeared, the smile he let surface from the suffering of the island. The purest smile. Not the one he used when she let something slip out or when he was relaxed and talking with Diggle and Sara. It was the one that seemed to be reserved just for Felicity._

_That was when Felicity made her decision._

_She never saw him look at anyone, not Sara, not Laurel, not Helena, not even Thea, the way he looked at her right now. She felt in his body language that he was without walls up; he was standing there with her in his truest form. If only they didn’t have clothes on. ‘Damn it Felicity! Focus!’ After a year of trying to decide whether or not falling for him would be smart, or even attainable, he just told her what he had been battling with for the past year as well. He made the decision to tell her. To not let this last moment before madness go to waste. Felicity wasn’t going to let it go to waste either._

_Who cares if she hadn’t decided truly what she felt for him, and what it might entail. The last time she was standing in a position similar she waited for Barry to kiss her, she waited for him to make the move. And when he hadn’t, and when he got struck by lightning, she kicked herself. Plus Barry wasn’t the first; her lab partner in high school flirted with her all senior year, she thought he would make a move being the star football player but he didn’t and then broke almost every bone in his body during the championship game._

_The little voice came back, ‘be brave for Oliver, be strong for him’._

_She wasn’t going to let him leave without him knowing how she felt too. He was standing in front of her so broken and beat, yet so brave. Oliver had lost so much, but had found her. Amidst all this turmoil and pain, he was smiling. Oliver Queen was smiling at Felicity Smoak. She had his entire being in her hands it seemed._

_And so she moved her hand that held his hand towards his face. Cupping his face between her palms she smiled at his softened expression, he looked quite in awe of Felicity in that moment. Lifted up on her tiptoes and she kissed him._

_As their lips touched for the first time, they both tensed. Both unknowing if they were doing the right thing. Oliver then relaxed under her touch. She raked her hand through his beard as the kiss became more passionate. He snaked his fingers through her free hand, entwining their fingers and holding tight. She smiled once she felt his own smile against her lips._

_But then she felt something cool slide into the hand Oliver was holding. He felt her tense and pulled back. Noses touching, looking down into her eyes, a smile he tried his very hardest to suppress, he breathed against her lips, “do you understand?”_

_That was when her heart sank to her stomach and it all became very clear._

_The reason why they were at the mansion. Why Oliver had acted so anxious before he said what he had, she was the last part of the plan. Slade would somehow hear what he said to her and come to take her, she would get close enough to him to inject him with the cure. He trusted her to do this all. But did she trust that what he said seconds ago was true, or was it all a rue._

_So Felicity simply replied, “yes.” Holding back the tears that dared to fall from her eyes, if not to be strong for Oliver but incase Slade saw and figured out the plan too._

_Felicity stood in the same spot until she could hear Slade’s taunting voice coming for “Oliver’s one true love”._


	2. the secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver stared at her trying to determine what he should say to Felicity, should he say something? Was she just going to refuse his pleas, knowing that he was lying to her. She sat at the top of her bed and she looked broken, something Oliver tried so hard to protect her from. He knew deep down that he couldn’t ever let her become as broken and ruined as he was, that would mean she would need to be fixed and Felicity Smoak was someone who never should need to be fixed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot longer than previously imagined, and I haven't decided how many chapters this will be but probably one more. Thank you all for reading the first chapter and all of your kudos, it was amazing for being the first thing I've posted SO THANK YOU! Feedback is appreciated too :) 
> 
> I want to thank my girl Ally (dopedaenerys) for being a beta on the chapter, you are the greatest.

Felicity pressed replay on the video well into the early morning. She questioned whether or not she continued replaying it or if the kiss began to tortuously replay to its own enjoyment. Regardless of how the video played, Felicity began to fully relive the kiss. She felt the soft touch of Oliver’s fingertips on her neck, the tickle of his nose against her own as he prepared himself for his return to reality, even the ghostly feel of his breathe down her lips as he whispered “Do you understand?”. She couldn’t forget the feeling of the cold syringe against her fingertips, it felt real enough as she lay in bed that night that she rubbed her hands between her thighs in an effort to warm them up. Feeling her hands grow colder when she remembered Oliver leaving her grasp to fight Slade’s army.

She didn’t count the times the video played over. She couldn’t remember when the tears began to fall from her eyes.

Felicity couldn’t even remember if she stopped crying before or after she fell asleep.

The only thing she thought of when she opened her eyes was how long the brooding, strong presence had been at the end of her bed.

Maybe she was still sleeping.

“Oliver?” she groggily pushed herself up from her curled up position underneath the covers, “what are you doing here?”

“I called you for hours,” he stated plainly.

“What do you mean? Did something come up? Did something happen? Who’s hurt? Do you need me to come in?” she began to ramble as she reached her hand across the sheets in an attempt to locate her missing glasses.

“Felicity.” He whispered trying to catch her attention, “how long have you had this?”

“Had what?” she shook her head in confusion, probably sleep deprivation, and a headache (maybe the sole remnant from crying). Without her glasses she only fuzzily saw Oliver hold up an object that had to be her tablet. Which meant he was talking about Slades intel, “Oh. You mean that…”

“Why hadn’t you told me?”

“I didn’t want you to see all of Slade’s plans because it would be messing with an open wound and I just couldn’t show it to you. When Amanda first gave me it I thought maybe I could, but then I thought maybe in a few months. But I couldn’t handle not looking at it any longer so I thought I would just show you if there was anything important, which there wasn’t, just plans upon plans…” she rambled until he cut her off.

“Felicity.” He turned to her; his eyes were red and puffy, had he been crying? “I mean us.”

She finally found a way to calm her beating heart, enough to take a long breathe and speak to the man waiting at the end of her bed. “What do you mean by us Oliver?”

“You know.”

Felicity could feel the terror of saying those words, she felt them rise out of her chest. She felt this same wrecking feeling when she tried to ask Oliver about them on the beach, those weeks ago now felt like seconds before. It felt as though all the blood rushed back to her heart which caused it to beat harder and faster, she felt out of control to everything happening. Something Felicity Smoak did not appreciate. So as the tears began to surface in the corners of her eyes, she could only look away from Oliver, in an attempt to push away these emotions.

“Why do I have to say it?” she tried to sound asserting and upset, well she was getting across upset real well as the tears began to fall again and she sniffled.

Oliver still sat solid at the end of Felicity’s bed, his legs dangling off as his upper body shifted to face the thing that consumed his attention. She had moved her position a few times since she awoke, moving her legs above and then below the covers back and forth, as her body heated with the thought of the issue that weighed her heart and her mattress down; but currently she sat arms wrapped around her legs that she clung to her chest. Tucking her head down to her legs, as if her body would fall apart any second if either of them spoke one more word.

When Oliver finally spoke again, Felicity jumped. Even though his voice was barely a whisper, he hung his head low, “You, you should have told me. How much you were struggling with this,” he held up the tablet again and this time Felicity could see that on the screen was the footage of their exchange at the mansion. It was paused just seconds after he said three little words and she reached up and closed the distance that, too many times, always felt right. He shook his head again, “with everything that happened.”

“But what would that matter Oliver? And please be honest with me right now, you didn’t say anything to me on the island when I tried to figure it out. When I tried to figure out our feelings in this all.” She made a gesture with her hands between Oliver and her. “And even that tore my heart apart. So why, why would I bring it up again when I knew you would shut down on me, because I know you would say that you weren’t ready to care for someone that could mean something to you, someone you deserved. Because we have had that conversation before…” tears began to fall for maybe the fifth time that night.

Oliver stared at her trying to determine what he should say to Felicity, should he say something? Was she just going to refuse his pleas, knowing that he was lying to her. She sat at the top of her bed and she looked broken, something Oliver tried so hard to protect her from. He knew deep down that he couldn’t ever let her become as broken and ruined as he was, that would mean she would need to be fixed and Felicity Smoak was someone who never should need to be fixed.

Before the island Oliver heard the word “perfect” too often. It was one of the realizations he had when he was gone; he should have never been called “perfect”, the things in his life were never “perfect”, and if he survived this he would never become perfect. Yet, a few days after Oliver had revealed his identity as the Hood to her, he saw her walk out of some store one Saturday morning. She had probably been running errands, Felicity walked down the street as if nothing in the world ever bothered her and Oliver was in awe. He had told her he was the vigilante who killed people, brought her into this crazy and dangerous world, and there she was with her hair falling down her shoulders in loose curls without an ounce of trouble in her eyes. That was when Oliver realized he was standing there smiling. That he felt that word he so long thought could never be apart of his life, but when he see’s Felicity he can’t help but think of anything but perfect.

Oliver swung his legs over the edge of her bed to sit criss-cross, moving just a bit closer to Felicity. He felt her labored breathing as it vibrated against the bed. He looked down against the comforter, all white blankets but many different bright colors printed across her pillows. He started to feel the words bubble up his throat. It was something he felt often around her, he couldn’t control what he wanted to say to her. It was as if her rambling was contagious. He looked up to see her bright blue eyes peeking above the arms that wrapped around her legs.

Felicity was struck by the beauty. Oliver was sat now fully on her bed. His back towards the window and lights of the city. The lights shone through the window and cast the shadow of his strong frame down upon her own. It felt so comfortable to know that in these moments Oliver could forget about the loud cares of the city and focus on only her, on only them. She could get used to this picture of comfort.

Oliver could no longer contain the words that tried to venture into the unknown. “Because maybe, I was struggling with it too…” he looked up to catch her reaction.

With the words that presently hung in the air, Felicity’s whole body seemed to relax in the previously tense atmosphere. She felt like she was finally making progress with the iron wall. Felicity knew he was looking at her, so when she looked up and caught his eye line, she could see all of Oliver. He had his big old blue puppy dog eyes out and that meant one thing; he was telling the truth. And what made her heart skip several beats, was that the look he had in those blue eyes was the same one he used in the mansion.

Heat started rising from deep in Felicity’s stomach and rose up her throat, the only explanation could be that a painful sob was about to take place. As Felicity moved her attention to the edge of her sweatshirt, pulling away from Oliver’s gaze. She didn’t feel the sob rising, she only felt peaceful; which was something she had not felt in a long time. Not with him around.

Felicity grabbed a strand of her hair and began to twirl it as she whispered back to Oliver, “Still why do I have to say it?”

Oliver looked down and breathed a laugh, which causes Felicity to look up at him. Seeing a smile on his face caused her own smile to break against her lips.

“Aren’t you always the one who talks, Felicity?”

Felicity tilts her head to the side, “I don’t need to be reminded of that Oliver.”

They kept focus on each other until they both realized that they still had a conversation to be had, one that had been avoided too many times. But Felicity loved it when Oliver looked at her like that. She was always worried it could be the last time he would, that something or someone would come in and that look in his eyes would fade away. Maybe the real reason behind Felicity loving that look Oliver gave her was because she really loved it when he smiled.

Not the big, toothy “I’m Oliver Queen” smile, and it wasn’t the one he gave to Thea or Laurel. But just the one he used for when he was with the team, it was obviously a truly Oliver smile. His lips just barely ticked up to a smile, because for a second he forgets about the darkness that’s surrounded him for 6 years. That was the one that made her heart flutter. Besides, his crystal blue eyes against the skyline seemed to shine brighter, with the touch of pure intentions, that made Felicity want to snuggle into him and forget everything.

Still stuck with a smile on her face, Felicity resituated her position on the bed. She tucked her toes behind her knees, placing her hands to rest in her lap. Oliver still sat in the same position as, now, Felicity did. He had his eyes glued to her face and curls while she found interest in her chipped nail polish, because the silence was truly becoming deafening. The silent conversations that normally take place between the two are never this, awkward.

Oliver felt so warm just looking at Felicity, the loose curls dangling over to veil half her face sent him into a trance. One that hid the fact that he had started talking until she looked up with her breathe held.

“I just guess,” he started, “I was waiting for you to say something because, maybe I still can’t understand how strong these feelings for you are.” And since he had started he might as well continue before he realizes what a deep grave he may be creating for the both of them. “Because, Felicity, that night when I left you at the mansion, I knew what I had to say to you. So that you would be able to get close to Slade without him even realizing what we had planned. But when it came down to it, standing right there in front of you,” Oliver finally looks away from Felicity and with a deep breath, “I didn’t mean it.”

Felicity’s shoulders slumped forward, she felt the heaviness grow in her heart as the seconds pass.

“Oliver why do you think this would help? I already know you didn’t mean what you said…” she thought she was done crying for the night but the sob escaped before she could stop it. The tears rolled down her cheeks and Oliver felt more responsible for the tears than he had when he first found her curled up against her tablet with red, puffy cheeks.

“No, Felicity. I didn’t mean to mean it.”

His heart stopped. She still had her head down and her chest rattled as she attempted to settle down. Oliver so badly wanted to reach out and feel the tears that wet her face, soak through his shirt instead.

He saw her puffy eyes look up from under the cover of blonde waves, and yes there was a smile on Felicity’s face. These were the moments when Oliver was truly in awe of her. Her hair still covered her face as she reached over to the empty space at the top of the bed and patted it. Oliver took it as his invitation to crawl over and be that much closer to Felicity.

Her hand snuck over to find Oliver’s and entwined their fingers, she could feel his pulse racing underneath her fingertips. “See how easy things are when you tell someone how you felt?” she teased.

He squeezed her hand, “I feel like our problems are far from being fixed Felicity.” Oliver’s hand reached up and began to wipe away the runaway tears, “I am so sorry for everything. I never meant to, for this to happen.”

Felicity reaches and covers her hand over his, “Oliver never apologize to me, especially after telling me the truth. I mean, I should be the one apologizing to you for kissing you. That probably caused some unneeded issues.” She started nervously laughing because bringing up them kissing and then Oliver leaning in closer to her, was sending her heart on quite the marathon.

“You don’t have to apologize for kissing me Felicity.”

His breath tickled down the side of her neck, which went straight down her back and cause her stomach to flip over several times. Her mouth fell into the little ‘o’ shape it always falls into. All Oliver did was raise his eyebrows at her and a smile began to appear on his face.

“Oliver…” she dragged out while she rested her head onto his shoulder, hiding the blush on her cheeks as she hide her face into his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he grinned, “again.”

As much as Felicity wanted to continue on talking about kissing Oliver with him, not knowing when and if he would ever open up again, but as she slowly rested into him and his arm curled behind her back; she began to feel very sleepy.

“Hey,” he nudged her once he saw she had closed her eyes, “I should let you get some sleep.”

“No Oliver, we should keep, no wait, yeah finish talking about this, us.” She smiled against his chest as she limply cuddled back into his side.

He slowly peeled her off of him, noticing that she hadn’t left tear marks on his shirt but instead a drool mark. Oliver pulled her comforter over her as she settled into the dozens of pillows around her head, with a smile still on his face from noticing the drool mark. He placed a kiss against her forehead before whispering, “Tomorrow.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a quick sorta drabble that I had on my mind....but now it turned into something that will definitely be more than one chapter !!


End file.
